Searching

Everyone has an agenda for love
Their own list of wants and needs to fulfill
We look out for them in everyone we meet
So eager to find a lasting connection that will save us
From our lonely nights sitting on the sofa alone
flipping channels in front of the television set
Listening for the phone to ring with that longed-for
voice on the other end of the line
That is connected to someone who will revive us
with a spark of hope that we are truly not alone
Our proof that we indeed do matter to someone out there

The search may lead us to a transient fix with a temporary lover
And for a while everything about them seems to complete us
Having them in our life brings new meaning to our days
And the chill of sleeping alone is happily traded for
the warmth of passionate nights in our lover’s arms
Though not necessarily perfect, we accept the comfort they bring
Taking pleasure in trading ‘I love yous’ in conversation
Because it is so much better than the absence of them
All too often, though, the reality is that we
unknowingly fool ourselves into thinking that all is perfect
Perfect that is, until…
Something changes unexpectedly
We begin to question our motives
Time changes our perspective
Perhaps a temptation is acted upon or
a slip of the tongue gives birth to doubt
The feeling refuses to last for the duration and fades away
The pedestal we raised is once again lowered and
someone has to step down
Our despair is that we realize the life we so anxiously
wanted to be real, really isn’t what we needed
Or perhaps we needed and they didn’t, leaving us powerless
to the consequences of their actions
Only this time we are left with a new decoration to our heart
a scar that must now heal itself, to renew itself
So it will be ready for the next opportunity at love

It is strangely peculiar that two people once so tightly connected
can become so alienated and disconnected
Two who once willingly and religiously served the needs of each other
can become so hardened in their hearts that they ignore them
Once warm conversation turns to bitter silence over dinner
Because there is not enough concern to ask or wonder about
what goes on in each other’s lives
Indifference becomes the virus that weakens love
and causes it to die
Leaving us with an inability to define exactly what it was
that we ever wanted from each other
As we become no longer lovers, we revert full circle,
back to being strangers
Inside we mourn the death of our once good friend, Love,
who stayed for a while and then had to leave us
A death that has emptied and drained our souls
We struggle to understand how we could have been mistaken
about something as important to us as love
And being needed by another human being,
After all our most primal need
How could we ever have thought that something
so wrong for us was so right
Again we are adrift, having lost the connection that once held us

So we continue the search, circulating, moving cautiously
How long do we search before we settle just to stay in the game
Giving up is not an option, playing is the key to winning
We want to love and we want to be loved in return
So we tirelessly search for what we need
Hoping each time we make a connection
it will be the end of the game