Love

I guess I always thought that
true love could belong to anyone
not just the disposable sort of game
to which I have grown so accustomed
sadly
One time I believed it was searching for me
destined for me, like a right of passage
arriving soon without a doubt
yet it appears to have lost its way
strangely
Why does it seem so easy for those
with no fear or dread of loneliness,
do they have some special attribute
or a predisposition so different
from mine
Or is it just I that refuse to admit
How afraid I am of what it means
perhaps it came and backed away
sorry that it found me so empty and
needy
Too much to bear, Love says again
no way to fix that broken heart
who cries for what it won’t accept
who crawls away in dismay, so
ineptly
Yet, the sadness is overbearing and
how unkind the eyes that look upon
with pity the barren empty carcass
who can’t confine the torturing pain
that numbs
Leaving all that was alive and waiting
dried to dust and blown with the winds
into the wrinkled crevices of expired hope
no longer wanting, no longer needing
just alone

Evolution

You think you know yourself, maybe you do
Still it seems you uncover a secret or two
Cause and effect will redirect your path
To leave you drifting lost in the aftermath

When one light goes out you seek another light
Looking for a signal to heal your plight
Yet in times when light cannot be found
You will fall and crawl upon the ground

Desperate tears may fall and flood the way
Wiping away guiding footprints of yesterday
Yet you fight to keep your head above water
Never think that your efforts don’t matter

Continue the struggle to find your light
Though obscured it may seem inside the fight
Keep searching to find the unopened door
Then open it to find what you are looking for

Stillness

There is a cold stillness in the air tonight
after all of the celebrating has ended
a new beginning, a chance to get it right
the colors of day and night are blended

Outside is dark, with shadows of light invading
distorting images visible through the glass
same questions I ask myself, answers evading
it's only a question of time, this too shall pass

Day one of 2009... a question

So, here is a hypothetical question I pose to anyone interested in reading. If your spouse of 20 years betrayed you in a very bad way, not just once but many times...how many times would you feel compelled to forgive them before you could walk away and forget them? How would you react if behind your back they started seeing their ex whom they had had a seriously failed relationship with before you, but now suddenly can't live without each other? Not like it's never happened in history before, but say you considered your relationship with this person to be high above such a breach, so the news was quite devasting. What would you do with such a betrayal of trust from the only person you ever loved? Would you cut and run never looking back...or would you forgive them and pretend everything was tolerable even though the decision to do so would change absolutely nothing, aside from stripping you of any dignity you have left...or would your love eventually turn to hatred and total disgust for this person who once meant the world to you?